


and i do think that i love you

by orphan_account



Category: Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 17:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Excerpt:"I think I first fell in love with you when I first saw you. That sounds somewhat idiotic and clichéd. Let me explain."I love them so, so much. This is terrible writing but please enjoy.





	and i do think that i love you

_[Found on the kitchen table in the Lee-Wolff household, Houston, 1990.]_

Nath–

I think I first fell in love with you when I first saw you. That sounds somewhat idiotic and clichéd. Let me explain.

I have fallen in love with you several times. I have fallen out of love. I have gone long periods without thinking of you, and long periods where you are the only thing I will think of.

But on that first day, you were incandescent with anger. You were gleaming and glittering with it. You were small and skinny and knobbly and unlike anything else I had ever seen. I thought you were strong and heroic and that I would like to meet you. For a kid, I guess that's love. I was curious about you. Nath Lee, Nath Lee. God. _What would he do next?_

And I guess I tried to pretend this was just some weird form of hero-worship, albeit for a small, strange, Chinese hero. A conqueror. An adventurer, a new Marco Polo. A cowboy. An astronaut.

To me, you were fantastical. Superhuman.

But when I was thirteen, and in love with you again, I began to think of you in a way just as idealized but perhaps a bit more physical. In short, you were my so-called gay awakening. You taught me, with no actual action on your part, who I was (Jack Wolff, thirteen, Jewish, an aspiring writer, a total Fitzgerald fiend, and hopelessly gay) and what I wanted (you, only ever you). So thank you for that (and, of course, for a million other things, a million other little and big and infinite things).

Falling in love with you over and over again has been like falling in love with a forest fire. It has been like kissing a flame and watching your lips burn. It has been like dragging on a cigarette and feeling the smoke inside you, just waiting to come out again.

But loving you has been even more. It has been mercurochrome and swimming, Harvard and community college, kisses and hugs and encouragement when I needed it the most. It has been telling you how much you are worth (much more than you think) and how much you should be paid (as much as you want) and when you need to do the dishes (right now).

You are too much and I am too little, but together we are just enough. Thank you for everything. I love you more than you know.


End file.
